Handling Business...The Good Naija Wife Way (pt 4)

Hello My fellow Naija sisters in Marriage,
First of all, I want to thank you all for taking my problems to your husband and they are right. I’ll just ignore the bad emails from the westernize women and carry on with my blogging. My goal to spread my own brand of Estherism takes priority. If I can get through only half a dozen women, I can go to my grave a Happy Good Naija Wife.

Speaking of spreading my brand of Estherism, I think I am going to wash my hands off the Foreign Wife of Our Naija Brother. Not only is she stubborn, she also did something to me that just make me so very angry. Okay it all started when I gave her what will be my last advice. See, throughout our conversation, I perceived she didn’t have any friend. Now, I could be wrong. . . but I don’t think I am because my husband told me I am a very perceptive person, like three days when he came home smelling of woman’s perfume, I did not need him to tell me he had gone to the store to buy me a present for my birthday which is in August. I think he’s also going to buy me some lipstick because I saw lipstick stain on the collar of his shirt. Okay, I know some of you are thinking. . . what is the big deal? Well it’s a big deal because my husband hates shopping and for him to allow the sales girl spray the perfume on him for try out and even have her press her lips on his shirt to see what shade will look good on me is a HUGE DEAL! God, I was so excited. . . I didn’t think I could wait until August to thank him, so as soon as I put his shirt in the washing machine, I sat down and penned him a lovely note.

“My love, I know what you did today and I can’t believe you did that for me. I hope you had fun and wouldn’t mind repeating the experience again. . . and often” Love your Sweettums

I tucked the note under glass of wine I usually serve him at night and waited for him to read it. At first he tried to pretend he had no idea what I was talking about. . . oh what a prankster that one, but after I explain how I had smelt the perfume on his shirt and saw the lipstick on his color and putting two and two together, I came to the conclusion that he was buying me a present, he smiled. . . put his feet on my lap and told me I am a perceptive person.

I hope that erases any doubt on my perceptive ability. Anyway, that’s why I believe TFENB didn’t have any friends and to help her out, so I told her she needed one and the best person for the job is her husband’ girlfriend.

Below is a transcript of our conversation

Being friends with the refugee girl is actually good for you. From the way you’ve been talking, I get the sense that you don’t have many friends and women need friends, they do. . . to unburden their troubles, you know what I mean? Be friends with her, tell her all your problems and seek her advice on how to get your husband back and make sure you follow her words of wisdom, okay? Never joke with the wise words of a friend, especially one who is sleeping with your husband, obviously she knows him more than you do. . . you know, because he wants to be with her, not you.

This is how you how you go about making friends. . . If after having the surgery, your husband still refuses to be yours, he is still adamant that it’s over between you two and you should find yourself another man because he has moved to another woman, you move to plan B - Invite the refugee girl for dinner, that alone will put you on the fast track to being friends with her because you have to imagine they don't feed the refugees well in those camps, so inviting her for a home cooked meal sure will be nice. After dinner, nonchalantly suggest she spend the night. . . while they are still reeling over this BAM! You hit them with another one. . . they can have your bed!!

Once they agree to it, you hit them with your 3rd demand, tell them you want to watch them do it so you can take notes. . . some pointers on how to please your husband. Please, don’t feel for being this demanding, besides It's the least the refugee girlfriend can do now, after all she just eat dinner you cooked and knowing how nice you are, you probably won't let her do the dishes like they make them do in the camp.


Oh dear, your husband will wake up with a wide smile on his face and it will be all thanks to you. That’s the way you have to play it, the change won’t be immediate but trust me, if you continue this way, you be a Good Naija wife in no time. Some people would suggest you let her use your towel after the morning bath you draw for her but I think it’s taking things too far. . . to a whole other level.

I had barely completed my sentence when she jumped to her feet and called me mad. She said I was a brainless twit and before I knew it, she had called the nearest Psyche Hospital. As soon as she told them everything I had said, they wanted to have me committed and would but for the ringing of my phone. It was my husban calling to tell me he had c ut his travel short and he'll be home in time for dinner. As soon as the Psyche Institution staff heard my husband was Nigeria all five of them mouthed "Oh of course" and that's how they let me go.

I told the foriegn women never to contact me again, she said I didn't need to tell her twice and we both parted ways. I hope we never meet again because I don't want to be tainted for my Husband.

A Good Naija Wife.