Taking Care of Business...The Good Naija Wife Way (pt3)

Hi Fellow Naija sisters in Marriage,
I need your help on something. Normally, I'd take this straight to my husband but like I said earlier, he is away for the weekend and he hates to inconvenience me with phone numbers where I can reach him. He says. . . Oh listen to this, it just the sweetest thing ever. . . He says he doesn't want me worrying my pretty little head with details like that. Tee hee hee. . . He called me pretty.

Okay, this is my issue. . . Ever since my husband permitted me to spread the word, I have been getting emails telling me to stop pretending. . . They think I'm a man (like I could be so lucky) but the latest emails have me so confused. It all started when I blogged about the latest advice I gave the foreign wife of our Naija brother. Before meeting me, someone had told her to invite her husband and his illegal immigrant girlfriend to dinner and that after eating, she should strip naked and show the girl her body. . . You know pointing at her breast, saying this is what our child suckled on, point to her stretch marked stomach, saying this is the evidence of my hard labor. . . You know like our grandmothers and great grandmothers were advised to do in the olden days. Of course being the foreigner she is, she found the whole idea appalling and she said she wouldn't do it. Once again, she said she was giving up on her marriage. Oh honestly, I've come to hate those words. . . Giving up.

Anyway, I knew I had to be firm so I told her that while I agree with the dinner invitation, I thought the whole idea of her stripping naked was just. . . Ughhh! I mean what's the point right? No one, least of all her husband is interested in her naked body, which is why he's with someone else. . . The same Someone she was lucky to have in her home. I said instead embarrassing herself showing her stretch marked body, she should beg the girl to undress, so she can see what her husband is enjoying, hopefully she would find something she can replicate on hers. I told her how very few people know Insurance cover plastic surgery these days, how surgeries no longer require you to stay overnight, so she can go in the morning, get surgery by noon and be home, as a new and improved woman for her husband by dinner. I was all set to get her the list of approved doctors when I started getting the comments calling me a man.

Now, If they had called me a man and left it at that, I wouldn't be confused but they called me Sadistic Man. A Sadistic man? What's that? What sense does it even make? It's like saying a white black or a wet dry or an up down, do you see what I mean? So please I beg of you, can you ask your husbands to help me out on this issue.

Thank you and may the heavens continue to shower all Naija men with intelligence to help the women with their problems.

A good Naija wife.